Letters from a daughter to her father

19/03/2000
Dearest Appa,

Please read the letter aloud to amma, if she cannot understand, please translate.

We landed in Boston, on Friday morning. It was around 11 am the flight landed and it was freezing, but Aravind says that I missed the snow. It was a two hour drive from the airport. Everything here is so expensive. Aravind is very helpful, appa, he helped me to clean the house and arrange the kitchen.
I started cooking two days back; I made pappu and potato masala. Aravind did not complain. He ate his meal quietly. Back in Chennai, Vivek had praises for the salty vankaya pulusu I had made.
Appa, I am not complaining about Aravind, he is very good. Of course he is everything you wanted software engineer, white collar job, earning in dollars and to top it all he speaks Telugu. Unlike Vivek, who was striving hard to meet his ends through business! I know appa, 23 years was too young to decide.

Your loving daughter,
Harini

27/04/2001
Dearest Appa,

We have settled here in Boston, these days I don’t take Aravind’s help to buy groceries. I have learnt driving and do all the shopping by myself. Aravind is a very busy man.
Having worked in Infosys for two years, I wanted to continue my career here. There are a lot of good openings. Aravind asked me to speak to Seetha Atha regarding this, when I spoke to her, she said that I need to worry about going to work and that should take care of Aravind.

Vivek always encouraged me to continue my work appa, he was overwhelmed with joy when he knew I received star performer award last January at Infosys. He once told me that he will never ask me to leave my job.

I am not complaining appa; I am happy here with Aravind and keep myself busy with cooking and cleaning. May be my Engineering will help me in teaching my children

Yours Loving daughter,
Harini

6/6/2003
Dearest Appa,

Roshan, spoke his first word yesterday. He said, ‘mmmma’, attached are his pictures. Doctor says that he is very healthy baby. Appa I am sorry that I could not bring Amma here for my delivery.
Aravind said that Seetha Atha knows English and she could handle situation here better.
She has left for India last week. On her way back to India she is paying a visit to her daughter in New Jersey.

I told about Vivek to Aravind, he reacted quite normal. Aravind said that he too had a girlfriend by name Emma, when he moved to Boston. And that they lived together for a year and decided to part ways. We met her at the supermarket last month and she seemed nice.

Aravind is very busy week days with work, and he is even more busy weekends with parties. About a year ago I found out that Aravind consumes alcohol and also smokes. When I asked about this to him, he said that I should not interfere in his privacy.

Appa, did you know Vivek gave up smoking because I once coughed when he came next after smoking. Also he said that he would never do anything that would harm me.

Your loving daughter
Harini

16/8/2005
Dearest Appa

I heard from Sarojini Pinni that you fell sick last month; I am so sorry that I am not nearby to take care of you. I told Aravind that I would like to go to Chennai. He says that he cannot afford to go on leave at this time of the year and told me that he can send some money instead.

Roshan has become a big boy and he likes payasam a lot. He goes to school and speaks English in American accent. He finds my English funny. I am having a hard time teaching him Telugu. He goes by the school bus as I have stopped driving for now after Maya’s birth. Maya looks just like her dad, and smiles most of the time. She never troubles me unless she is hungry

Appa, I heard from my old friend that Vivek’s business has reached international market and that he is respectful member in chamber of commerce. And also that he is married and has a daughter.

Aravind is very busy and he is constantly flying in and out of Boston. He has resigned his job and has started a consultancy, he says that its time to be the boss.

Your loving daughter
Harini

16/8/2007
Dearest Appa

Aravind’s business is doing well. We have bought some property here in Boston.
We moved into a bigger house last month, It is far away from the city and far from Roshan’s school too. Maya goes on ‘thathaa’ looking at your photos and she loves her daddy a lot. Attached are our photos taken during vacation in California.

Vivek had mailed me a month back that his daughters are learning carnatic music. He asked if I still sang. I still remember the day, when Vivek made me sing the same song ten times, just because he loved to hear it from me. If I start singing now, Roshan and Aravind would put a long face and would not even let me to finish the song.

With Aravind’s business getting bigger, his tensions are growing in larger magnitude. He does not sleep well in the nights and has started to consume more alcohol than before.

Your loving daughter
Harini

26/12/2010
Dearest Appa

Roshan plays basket ball for his school team and Maya has started to play the piano.
Aravind hardly gets time to spend with me and the kids. Most of the nights, he spends at his office. Last week, Aravind fell sick and he had to be hospitalized.

Due to excessive consumption of alcohol, his liver has been affected. And the doctors have advised that he needs to completely stop consuming alcohol, else it might end in Cirrhosis. When I spoke to Seetha Atha regarding Aravind’s condition, she said that I did not take good care of him, and he is not to be blamed for consuming alcohol.

Vivek had come to New York for a meeting with his client; he paid a visit to us during the weekend. Aravind and the kids gave him a warm welcome. Vivek had got some gift for the kids and brought me mysurpa from Krishna Sweets. Way back in 1999 I had told Vivek once that my about my favorites he has not forgotten it.
It has been ten years and yet Aravind still does not know my favorites.
I am happy with Aravind and kids’ appa, after all Aravind was all you wanted.

Your loving daughter
Harini

Dearest Appa

This is one of the worst winters we have faced. Aravind is slowly getting back to normal.
But he has not yet given up alcohol. We have arguments on this almost every day.
Roshan and Maya are grown up. Roshan demands privacy now. It is 2012 and I opened my draw and I see all the letters I had wrote to you which I never posted.

It is not because I did not have the courage to send them, but I did not want to hurt you.
Deep down in your heart, you were aware about Vivek’s good nature and his capabilities. I know that it is because of the society you were against Vivek. And these letters would have made you guilty about your decision.

Appa ,though I speak to you on the phone every week, these unstamped letters which I wrote to you mean a life to me.

Your loving daughter
Harini

Food for thought

For the past few years our newspapers and news channels have been filled with articles and programs about exploiting nature.
Existence of human is a nothing but destruction to nature. As long as human race exists and expands destruction of nature still continues. There are no metals unless we dig earth; there are no granites unless we break mountains. Townships and new cities are built by cutting down trees. Worst of all is our ruthless usage of the elixir of life –water. We have built our existence by cruelly domesticating nature, changing the course of the river by constructing dams. Or it could be as simple as milking a cow and denying its calf to have the right. Our daily life spins around damaging nature. Time and again nature tries to threaten us by means of Tsunami or earthquakes. Technology has advanced in such a rapid phase that we tend to suppress the warning phenomenon exhibited by nature. But as time goes by, we forget to learn the lesson taught by nature. Nevertheless it has cost us dear. And all this for our growth! Our growth demands exploitation of nature. We live in an age where our country’s growth demands the quantity of iron ore exported, the amount of granites sold or the number of newly built townships. In order to withstand in the race of so called development, advancement call it whatever, we tend to neglect nature.
Is destruction of nature the only way to grow? Who defines “growth“? Can growth be only material? Can we shift the focus from material growth to a much stronger growth –the emotional growth – a growth that will make us more benevolent and kind, and less anxious? It is time to revisit our basics; at least our children can be benefited.

Be the change

With Indian Independence Day round the corner, I would like to illustrate Mahatma Gandhi’s famous quote: “Be the change you want to see in the world” with a simple example

In a village, there lived an old man who was looking back into his life. He sat in a tea shop with his friends, telling them his story:

“When I was young I was arrogant, I felt that I could do it all and wanted to change the world and so I prayed to the almighty to give me strength to change everyone. When I reached middle age I woke up one morning and I realized that my life was half over and then I prayed to god to give me strength to change the ones around me as they needed it.
But now I am old and my prayer is very simple, ‘Lord, please give me strength to change myself’ “

Moral: If you try to change others without changing your own attitudes, it will not have any effect. Change yourself; the world around you will change

Messie

I am not here to write something new, this is a situation that most of us have faced. It is a recurring one.
It is about making decisions. To make a decision is not simple. That too when it comes to a person like me, who is very doubtful in almost everything.
It was almost a Hobson’s choice . At that moment all I knew was that, that was my only resort.
But even before living my decision I am surrounded by a bunch of back seat drivers. Why can’t I have someone pat my back and say that there is no end for decisions? Why can’t my decision take me to a better path?
Why can’t I be guided to a better path with my decision?
I know it’s all up to me to consider these influences. Filled with negativity around, I am finding to hard to step into my decision. I have been affected with the vibrations around.
But I know that if our life was to be lived with other’s experience as role model, then we would be living a dead man’s life.
I am in search for a messiah, to come and shout out for me:

“Leap and the net will appear.”

Going forward

Last week i felt weird (may be because I turned 24 !!) jokes apart it was my birthday on the 11th, and my friends here at chennai threw a surprise party. Usually it is the previous night where the hungama begins, but my folks had planed for the 11th night. They picked me from work, we drove to besant nagar beach and cut a huge cake at 11:58 pm. Everything happened in a jiffy, it is so typical of my gang.

I am not really into making New Year resolutions and things like that, but my birthday, I relive the year that has gone by, and think about what I can do to make the next year better.

And this year, I want to…

1. Exercise and get fit.

2. Stop being disapproving and dogmatic.

3. Give myself a makeover and even looking at myself in the mirror makes me yaaaawn.

4. To complete certifications. I know this is an over-ambitious target, but its like you know the typical aim for the stars, you shall reach the terrace

5. Figure out what I want out of my career, think hard and decide what direction and shape I want it to take. I want to make my choice, and be at peace with it.

6. I want to stop letting others affect me, and the choices I make.

7. Learn to play a new instrument

8. To try out something magnificent.

Comrades… wish me luck!!!

Voulez..

All I want to do is to catch a falling star
And hold it in my pocket
All I want to do is to snatch away the moon
And hide it in a secret place
All I want to do is to seize the blowing wind
And save it for tomorrow
All I want to do is to collect the tiny raindrops
And to drink it later on
All I want to do is to grab the lighting in my fist
And to use it as my torch
All I want to do is to grasp the ebbing tides
And swim across the ocean
All I want to do is take away her wings
And fly away into the open blue sky

My deepest fear

My deepest fear is that I am powerful
Powerful beyond my imaginations
My deepest fear is my beliefs
Beliefs that could wreck our society
My deepest fear is my freewill
Freewill which gives me the power
My deepest fear is my independence
Independence to choose my destiny
My deepest fear is my freedom
Freedom that inspires me to liberate
My deepest fear is my very own existence

On her..

Vastness of nature is all around our sight
Like the butterflies fluttering in the bright sunlight
Wonders of nature is a magical thing
All that we have is only her to cling

Our existence might come to cease
Without, the presence of blossoming trees.
Beauty of nature never ceases to inspire
Talking her praises none could ever tire

Truly immortal she is, with time
Living in harmony is an opportunity in lifetime
To protect her is a real test
For she is our harmless nest

Dark Day

It’s one of those dark days, when the skies are heavy and you wait for that gentle light to make a way into.
A day when the space cannot hear you, the air is loaded with cries and moans and cannot carry your songs.
When your dreams drop down like a bird shot by a heartless hunter.
Hours of darkness, will not give notice to your secret.
It was just yesterday you felt like a strong tree whose roots cannot be uprooted, but now it is like the roots have been sucked out of ground.
You no longer feel those wings which carried you from the pits of valleys to tops of the mountains.
You really cannot hate things around because at some point yesterday you loved them.
An unknown phantom haunts your sleepless soul.
We all wait for the dawn to come with a raging tempest carrying the fragrance of hope and love and the light of heaven to shine through your darkness.

Lone

Lone in the deep wild woods
Spirits of Truth are the birds that sing

Lone in the dark blue night
Spirits of Love are the stars that glowed

Lone in the giant tall mountains
Spirits of Peace are the streams that flowed

Lone in the large wide deserts
Spirits of Hope are that ray of light

Lone in the deep blue sea
Spirits of Freedom are that smell of fresh air

Lone in the course of struggle
Sprits of Success are our loved ones

Lone here, Spirit of Trust, is you, clasping me tight.